Mainstay takes a sprint!

Not at a race, the Tucker 500, or anything else; but his very own Secret Handjob ride. In fact, he got smoked again at Airport the following morning. This weekend's Secret Handjob was one of many firsts. First of the firsts was that The Mainstay actually won a sprint. Yep, he won. Fortunately for him, this girl did not contest it. We all know how that would've gone. She would've lit him up like a Christmas tree. Truth be told, had the sprint been five feet longer, Shrinking Man would've blown by him like a runaway freight train. For those not in attendance, the end result looked a little something like this.

Another of the firsts was Shrinking Man getting an impressive and unprecedented 3 flats in no more than 50 meters distance. His destruction of equipment is pretty much an every day occurrence, but the sheer frequency of this mishap was astonishing. Perhaps even more amazing was the scene of the 2 and 3rd flats. A cavalry of about 20 African-American cowboys came galloping straight down the middle of the road. In traffic. Good thing The Mainstay wasn't in his Brokeback Halloween costume. I'm not sure how that would've gone, but probably not very well. I wouldn't have been anywhere near him to find out.

The last of the firsts was the attendance of a very controversial invitee. I'm really not sure what to make of it. He's dangerously close to Pro. He has been a Pro, he has won Pro races, and he knows Pros. He, like The Mainstay, knows Pros who know Pros. He looks and smells like a Pro. Sometimes he even acts like a Pro. His helmetless hair is unquestionably Pro. Fortunately for him, he drinks like a Pro too. And by Pro, I mean like an amateur. The Amateur...which is pretty Pro. I've spent more time with him at the pub than on the bike, so by default his attendance is justified. And there's this....take a look for yourself and tell me- How are you not going to invite the guy to the Secret Handjob ride?