Friday, May 30, 2008
Leipheimer: 'We'll ride for Alberto'
That's a great idea...since he leading the race with two days to go and all...
Thursday, May 29, 2008
My boy- Yet another priceless quote in response to the '08 Giro Huffy toss.
"I was so raging and focused that all the energy I had for winning the race was taken out on my bike. I'm not that person, I don't see red. But I think it's quite funny I did that." -Velonews
Yeah, quite funny. Absolute fucking riot, d-bag.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Sucking at a level that surprises even myself (aka the day I took a free lap in a road race)
Three weeks ago I finished in the winning break at the Cumming Series 7 race....amateur style. The field turned right instead of going straight, and the pro-heavy "real" break got disqualified after amassing an approximately 45 minute advantage to the field...so the chase group of 8 that I was in suddenly became the winning break. You can either do it the hard way, or the easy way. We chose the easy way, and the amateurs got paid on this day.
Fast forward a couple weeks to the Tour of Atlanta. 7 stages in 5 days. I managed to get dropped on both my road bike and my tt bike, all within one race. Awesome. I started 5 stages and (kind of) finished 2. Never done that before. 0 for 2 in the crits, and even got destroyed by my own teammates in the TTT. Even better.
On the single road race stage and managed to blow out my rear tire after narrowly avoiding the 3rd crash in the first 5k. Fantastic. Two of those crashes happened in the first 500 meters. One of those crashes had Ron W. (the most dangerous one-legged man on two wheels) launched over the bars and literally running down the road in cycling shoes. Perfect dismount. Anyone else with two legs would've died. Not Ron though. He gets it done with one.
So now it's time for a free lap. That's right...I took a free lap in a road race. I've seen it done by some seasoned pros, turned down the opportunity myself, and wasn't going to make that mistake twice. I just needed to know what it feels like. The race promoter loaded my shit up in the van after waiting for the ambulance to take away an injured rider (Friday the 13th style gore) and took me to my car to change my wheel. Not the wheel truck, but my car...in the parking lot. I picked up a king size rice krispie treat, something to drink, and a fresh set of brake pads. If I had some football gear for the remainder of the race, I would've suited up.
Now he takes me straight back up to the race. Fair enough. At this point...now officially a lap down in a road race...I rolled into the back of the race and hung out with the Mainstay while we ate, drank, discussed his intestinal problems, and dodged a few more crashes. When it was time to bring the break back, an unnamed pro team that happened to miss the break organized at the front of the race and motorpaced the lead van to pull back a 6 minute advantage to the break. Thad was the last rider left up the road, and was brought back in the fold just inside 500 meters from the line. Those guys timed their motorpacing perfectly!
What the hell was I going to say? I was IN the van for half the race....they were just behind it. Chalk that one up as another lesson learned...free laps in a road race, and motorpacing the break back into the field for a field sprint. The pros have it figured out, and I'm catching on. Moral of the story for this weekend- bad days are bad days, but a bad season just isn't funny. Especially when you just had one last year. Time to get this donkey turned around before the Def Leprechaun starts asking me when I'm going to start finishing races again. The Mainstay might be ok with that sort of thing, but I'm just not going to have it.
Fast forward a couple weeks to the Tour of Atlanta. 7 stages in 5 days. I managed to get dropped on both my road bike and my tt bike, all within one race. Awesome. I started 5 stages and (kind of) finished 2. Never done that before. 0 for 2 in the crits, and even got destroyed by my own teammates in the TTT. Even better.
On the single road race stage and managed to blow out my rear tire after narrowly avoiding the 3rd crash in the first 5k. Fantastic. Two of those crashes happened in the first 500 meters. One of those crashes had Ron W. (the most dangerous one-legged man on two wheels) launched over the bars and literally running down the road in cycling shoes. Perfect dismount. Anyone else with two legs would've died. Not Ron though. He gets it done with one.
So now it's time for a free lap. That's right...I took a free lap in a road race. I've seen it done by some seasoned pros, turned down the opportunity myself, and wasn't going to make that mistake twice. I just needed to know what it feels like. The race promoter loaded my shit up in the van after waiting for the ambulance to take away an injured rider (Friday the 13th style gore) and took me to my car to change my wheel. Not the wheel truck, but my car...in the parking lot. I picked up a king size rice krispie treat, something to drink, and a fresh set of brake pads. If I had some football gear for the remainder of the race, I would've suited up.
Now he takes me straight back up to the race. Fair enough. At this point...now officially a lap down in a road race...I rolled into the back of the race and hung out with the Mainstay while we ate, drank, discussed his intestinal problems, and dodged a few more crashes. When it was time to bring the break back, an unnamed pro team that happened to miss the break organized at the front of the race and motorpaced the lead van to pull back a 6 minute advantage to the break. Thad was the last rider left up the road, and was brought back in the fold just inside 500 meters from the line. Those guys timed their motorpacing perfectly!
What the hell was I going to say? I was IN the van for half the race....they were just behind it. Chalk that one up as another lesson learned...free laps in a road race, and motorpacing the break back into the field for a field sprint. The pros have it figured out, and I'm catching on. Moral of the story for this weekend- bad days are bad days, but a bad season just isn't funny. Especially when you just had one last year. Time to get this donkey turned around before the Def Leprechaun starts asking me when I'm going to start finishing races again. The Mainstay might be ok with that sort of thing, but I'm just not going to have it.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Just too damn good to be true.
Now, normally 2beamateur doesn't offer free advertising...primarily because space on this site is just too priceless (read: worthless). But every now and again I come across something that just needs to be posted for the good of all mankind (special thanks to the Mainstay for this one). I present to you the biggest Kiss sale in Primal Wear history! (Colossal to be exact). Don't be dumb....Git ya some!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The undisputed king of douchebaggery
What's my opinion of David Millar you ask? Simply put, he's far and away the biggest crybaby ever to throw a leg over the top tube of a bike. That said, my aversion to him is an interesting dichotomy...the very circumstances that make me hate him the most also bring me the greatest pleasure in witnessing his making a complete and utter ass of himself. Some of my favorite highlights of his illustrious career (in no particular order) are as follows:
1. Pitching a complete fit and later publicly berating his Cofidis team and its manager at the 2003 TDF prologue when his chain came off. He lost by a fraction of a second. He would've won the stage. He didn't. I loved it.
2. Pitching a fit at the 2002 Vuelta because the final climb up the Angliru was too hard for him. He tore his number off, threw his bike down on the finish line, and refused to cross the line in protest. You'd think he was the only rider to have to finish on that climb. Somebody won that stage. It wasn't David Millar. He never had a chance, and I still loved it.
3. Getting drilled for doping and acting like a fucking hero for coming clean. He was getting interrogated in the can and cracked for fuck's sake! Bitch, you didn't come clean. You got nailed. It's like a speeding ticket. You're not a fucking hero for paying the fine. You didn't exceed the speed limit without getting caught and choose to make a charitable donation to your local municipality out of the goodness of your heart....and for the safety and welfare of all others on the road. You got nailed, toolbox.
4. Pitching a fit when Vinokourov's positive doping test was made public after stage 13 of the 2007 Tour... just prior to his press conference announcing his signing with Slipstream. His public response- "Jesus Christ- There you go, that's my quote. What timing, huh? This is just fucking great". Sorry to inconvenience you, Dave. How could someone be so inconsiderate as to dope and get caught on your big day?! He should've been a hero like you and "come clean" at a more opportune moment. Douchebag.
5. Pitching a fit and throwing his bike over the barrier when he snapped his chain a K from the finish while in the winning break last week at the Giro. Very professional. The sponsors love that sort of shit. The fans too. You probably would've won. You didn't. I loved it. (at least he went nuts to top tube. I loved that too).
6. Last but not least... I read this one on the plane last week. Classic Millar from the May 2008 Cycle Sport America magazine. "Where the hell are you Cycle Sport? If you're not here in five minutes, we're leaving". The phone goes dead. He yelled at and hung up on the journalist at least one other time while the guy was trying to find his way to the interview. I don't know what went on after that; I stopped reading there. In this Amateur's opinion, interviews and press in general is intended to give exposure to riders, the teams, and their sponsors. Nice work, Dave. Smooth, professional, and diplomatic as always.
At one point last year, I shot an email to a friend wondering why the hell Vaughters had signed him onto Slipstream. That email found its way to JV himself and eventually back to me. His response was "It's unfortunate that he feels that way. Maybe if he knew David, he would feel differently". That is incorrect. If I knew him, I would kick him in the nuts.
Since you asked...
1. Pitching a complete fit and later publicly berating his Cofidis team and its manager at the 2003 TDF prologue when his chain came off. He lost by a fraction of a second. He would've won the stage. He didn't. I loved it.
2. Pitching a fit at the 2002 Vuelta because the final climb up the Angliru was too hard for him. He tore his number off, threw his bike down on the finish line, and refused to cross the line in protest. You'd think he was the only rider to have to finish on that climb. Somebody won that stage. It wasn't David Millar. He never had a chance, and I still loved it.
3. Getting drilled for doping and acting like a fucking hero for coming clean. He was getting interrogated in the can and cracked for fuck's sake! Bitch, you didn't come clean. You got nailed. It's like a speeding ticket. You're not a fucking hero for paying the fine. You didn't exceed the speed limit without getting caught and choose to make a charitable donation to your local municipality out of the goodness of your heart....and for the safety and welfare of all others on the road. You got nailed, toolbox.
4. Pitching a fit when Vinokourov's positive doping test was made public after stage 13 of the 2007 Tour... just prior to his press conference announcing his signing with Slipstream. His public response- "Jesus Christ- There you go, that's my quote. What timing, huh? This is just fucking great". Sorry to inconvenience you, Dave. How could someone be so inconsiderate as to dope and get caught on your big day?! He should've been a hero like you and "come clean" at a more opportune moment. Douchebag.
5. Pitching a fit and throwing his bike over the barrier when he snapped his chain a K from the finish while in the winning break last week at the Giro. Very professional. The sponsors love that sort of shit. The fans too. You probably would've won. You didn't. I loved it. (at least he went nuts to top tube. I loved that too).
6. Last but not least... I read this one on the plane last week. Classic Millar from the May 2008 Cycle Sport America magazine. "Where the hell are you Cycle Sport? If you're not here in five minutes, we're leaving". The phone goes dead. He yelled at and hung up on the journalist at least one other time while the guy was trying to find his way to the interview. I don't know what went on after that; I stopped reading there. In this Amateur's opinion, interviews and press in general is intended to give exposure to riders, the teams, and their sponsors. Nice work, Dave. Smooth, professional, and diplomatic as always.
At one point last year, I shot an email to a friend wondering why the hell Vaughters had signed him onto Slipstream. That email found its way to JV himself and eventually back to me. His response was "It's unfortunate that he feels that way. Maybe if he knew David, he would feel differently". That is incorrect. If I knew him, I would kick him in the nuts.
Since you asked...
Monday, May 19, 2008
Circus freaks
This sport never ceases to amaze me. Ok- I kinda understand the theory of women who look like men winning bike races. You're gonna have that. But who the fuck is leading the Giro, Michael Jackson? If you're gonna get your dope on, at least read the label prior to injection. I had no idea estrogen had become the new doping hormone of choice. Obviously, the bearded gorilla freak that is Tammy Thomas (aka Ms. John Belushi) didn't buy into that theory. And just think how fast Visconti would be if he were using the right stuff... 
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The day that Malachi got his ass kicked by two 9 year-olds
Not one...but two 9 year-olds. Sometimes people are afraid of a compromising photo showing up on the internet...but rarely is that feared photo a podium shot. Seriously, dude. First question- Why are you attempting to race mountain bikes without anyone knowing? You can't hide from me. Second question- Why are you racing in the sport class? You're a Cat 1. Third and most important question- Why are you racing in the JUNIOR sport class? You're a grown man for fuck's sake. Look at yourself...and those guys (children) standing ABOVE you on the podium. If you had looked left at the wrong time, you would've seen that little kid's junk (or lack thereof) through the gaps in the legs of his shorts. His kneecaps are clearly the largest part of his legs. That kid's bringing baggy back...in fucking spandex. And in the process, he's kicking your ass, Malachi! Your wife goes out and wins her race, and you get the shit kicked out of you by a couple 4th graders. Your pink slip is in the mail.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
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