The undisputed king of douchebaggery

What's my opinion of David Millar you ask? Simply put, he's far and away the biggest crybaby ever to throw a leg over the top tube of a bike. That said, my aversion to him is an interesting dichotomy...the very circumstances that make me hate him the most also bring me the greatest pleasure in witnessing his making a complete and utter ass of himself. Some of my favorite highlights of his illustrious career (in no particular order) are as follows:

1. Pitching a complete fit and later publicly berating his Cofidis team and its manager at the 2003 TDF prologue when his chain came off. He lost by a fraction of a second. He would've won the stage. He didn't. I loved it.

2. Pitching a fit at the 2002 Vuelta because the final climb up the Angliru was too hard for him. He tore his number off, threw his bike down on the finish line, and refused to cross the line in protest. You'd think he was the only rider to have to finish on that climb. Somebody won that stage. It wasn't David Millar. He never had a chance, and I still loved it.

3. Getting drilled for doping and acting like a fucking hero for coming clean. He was getting interrogated in the can and cracked for fuck's sake! Bitch, you didn't come clean. You got nailed. It's like a speeding ticket. You're not a fucking hero for paying the fine. You didn't exceed the speed limit without getting caught and choose to make a charitable donation to your local municipality out of the goodness of your heart....and for the safety and welfare of all others on the road. You got nailed, toolbox.

4. Pitching a fit when Vinokourov's positive doping test was made public after stage 13 of the 2007 Tour... just prior to his press conference announcing his signing with Slipstream. His public response- "Jesus Christ- There you go, that's my quote. What timing, huh? This is just fucking great". Sorry to inconvenience you, Dave. How could someone be so inconsiderate as to dope and get caught on your big day?! He should've been a hero like you and "come clean" at a more opportune moment. Douchebag.

5. Pitching a fit and throwing his bike over the barrier when he snapped his chain a K from the finish while in the winning break last week at the Giro. Very professional. The sponsors love that sort of shit. The fans too. You probably would've won. You didn't. I loved it. (at least he went nuts to top tube. I loved that too).

6. Last but not least... I read this one on the plane last week. Classic Millar from the May 2008 Cycle Sport America magazine. "Where the hell are you Cycle Sport? If you're not here in five minutes, we're leaving". The phone goes dead. He yelled at and hung up on the journalist at least one other time while the guy was trying to find his way to the interview. I don't know what went on after that; I stopped reading there. In this Amateur's opinion, interviews and press in general is intended to give exposure to riders, the teams, and their sponsors. Nice work, Dave. Smooth, professional, and diplomatic as always.

At one point last year, I shot an email to a friend wondering why the hell Vaughters had signed him onto Slipstream. That email found its way to JV himself and eventually back to me. His response was "It's unfortunate that he feels that way. Maybe if he knew David, he would feel differently". That is incorrect. If I knew him, I would kick him in the nuts.

Since you asked...