Insulting a dead man: Payne Stewart just rolled over in his grave.

Boonen! (aka the time I brought the news a day late and a dollar short...again)

I just came across this pic, and it reminded me of someone. Someone that has worn the rainbow stripes...and it's neither The Mainstay, nor Hoppy. It's someone that has won Roubaix. Someone that's been caught celebrating too early...and apparently too often. Yes, it's old news. But beggars can't be chosers. I honestly have no idea whether or not you're a beggar, but you're definitely not a chooser. Not here, you're not. I'm The Amateur, and I call the shots around here. You'll get the news when I get around to it.

How to utterly ruin a charity ride & lose a sponsor all in the same day

How it's done: Find a charity ride (in this case, The Spin for Kids...a century to raise money for Camp Twin Lakes. Agree to do the ride (half of it...no more) with a potential sponsor, who happens to be the guy putting on the ride (and raises many thousands of dollars for said cause). Bring the squad, plus two new recruits (Towel Boy and The Fever). In the first 6 minutes of the ride, put the boys on the front to ride a steady tempo...a tempo kinda like Quick Step would ride to get Boonen to the line (no pun intended) in the last 5k of a spring classic (any classic, your choice)....in a crosswind, in the gutter, and uphill. Drop potential sponsor like a hot rock, and wait for him at the rest stop about an hour and a half in...after you've eaten all the food HE provided for the ride...so he gets to ride the next hour alone and in the wind. This gives him plenty of time to ponder what a strong team you have. Tell him thank you, that you enjoyed it, and that it's time to cut the ride short so you can eat all the buffalo wings he provided for the finish. Now that's PRO right there. As the Def Leprechaun might say..."Well played, boys!" Glad we could make it.

Amateurity: Catch the fever!

Jittery Joe's Pro Cycling Team has confirmed it will take a step back in 2009, with the team adopting amateur status. The team will concentrate on racing on the east coast and continue working with young rider development. "While the support from Jittery Joe's continues to be strong, the combination of the loss of auxiliary cash sponsors and the spike of travel costs has caused us to re-think our budget," said team manager Micah Rice. "We just decided that we needed to take a step back to keep the programme healthy-neither riders nor sponsors would be happy if we tried to stretch the budget too thin". The team will also continue its Patron Program which allows individuals to sponsor riders to help in the development of young aspiring professionals. "I hate to see it happen, but on the other hand since as a firm we're trying to expand in the southeast, in some ways we can have a stronger presence as an amateur team because we'll be at more things in more concentrated ways," said Bob Googe, the CEO of Jittery Joe's Franchising. "We expect to be back in the pro peloton very soon as we start opening new stores and can afford to put more money into the programme."

Towel Boy! (Slim's bachelor party Part I)

Sometimes a good nickname simply comes from one's obvious and innate characteristics. Other times, it's a poor decision and a laugh at one's expense. Oftentimes, it involves many cocktails. But rarely does one actually volunteer for said nickname. And nearly never do all of the above circumstances align at the very same moment in time. That's when the nickname actually sticks. Colby, this one's gonna be around for a while. And by a while, I mean forever.

No porn. No pretense. No tan lines. Just amateur.

Keep your clothes on folks. Unlike The Imposter, 2beamateur remains a family-friendly site.

The time I liked Levi (aka the time Levi knocked Millar's tooth out with a cork and scorched his eyeballs with a spot of bubbly)