Sometimes you think you're a pimp...

...and oftentimes that's when you get knocked the fuck out. Like Saturday for instance. CBrown and I headed up to Avery Trace completely confident that we were about to cash in on a solid climbing race paying 20 deep...with a cat 2 bonus on top of that. Easy money. Here's how it all went down: We got absolutely rocked. No one in the top 20. No money.

The course was one huge loop- no multiple laps...which meant two things for certain: 1. I would not get lapped. 2. I would not take a free lap. This was an adjustment for me, as I've been known to do both. So apparently lots of guys thought we needed to race this thing like a Tour stage....full gas to the base of the climbs and even faster up them. I personally thought it was a bit much. And Olheiser seemed to think he needed to race it like a TT stage. His one man train (engine, boxcars, and caboose) left the station a handful of miles in, never to be seen again. I'm done trying to figure out how. Much like Hoppy and kinda like the Mainstay, he's got stripes. That I do know.

Who brought home the bacon on this day? Corky did. 5th place in the 4's...and 30 bucks. The Tuesday Nite Yard Sale had a good ride as well, but brought home no bacon. He clearly left it all on the road; as evident by his post-race scolding of a statue for being out in the rain with a laptop. It should also be noted that CBrown exacted some revenge on the masters field on Sunday for Saturday's P1/2 shortcomings. He's the newly crowned masters 30+ TN state criterium champ. Congrats my man!

I neither raced, nor won anything on Sunday. Kinda like Saturday.

The Mainstay's racially misguided frisbee returns to Candler Park

The Mainstay and his famously dangerous frisbee will be making yet another appearance at Candler Park this weekend at the Midsummer Music Fest. Drivin' N' Cryin' starts at 7. Blues Traveler at 9. Come one, come all. And wear a helmet if you know what's good for you.

Please note that the Mainstay's savage tan will likely eclipse that of 420 fest. The boiled lobster will be back! Sounds like he's been throwing himself a 2nd bachelor party at the family vacation this week in Hilton Head. It's only Wednesday and he's on his 3rd case of beer. It should also be noted that he shotgunned 7 beers before 3pm on Tuesday. You heard me. A 30 year old man shotgunning beers...at the family vacation.

The Rome race should go pretty well next weekend.

Malachi, you're late for your podium!

Where are you? Second place to the podium please....

Is that you, Malachi? Nope, he's not here....

There you are! But why is that 9 year old STILL kicking your ass? Did you beat him up and take his sparkling grape juice from him? And why are you wearing your wife's kit?! Seriously, I thought The Imposter, Esq. was the only guy that pulled that sort of shit (it should be noted that Trashman busted him riding in his Ladyfriend's kit this weekend....and photos would indicate that this wasn't the first offense).

He's got balls

All up in my kitchen

You're gonna have good days, and you're gonna have bad days...and you're gonna have days when your house gets hit with a fucking Ford F250. Like yesterday, for instance. Seriously, what the fuck? My house was hit by a truck. And I had to wait in gridlock traffic (due to the scene in front of my own house) just to get there to assess the damage. You would've thought it was 9-11 on Church Street. It's no secret that I'm not a fan of traffic to begin with...so just add in the fact that I know that I have a pickup all up in my kitchen; and I'm in gridlock just trying to get there. Normally when I reach this state (traffic, minus the truck vs. house incident), I pull over and pick up a six pack. Unfortunately, there was not a beer store in the 200 yards between my sedentary vehicle and my house. I would've shotgunned all 6 of them, plus one or two of the warm ones from beneath my drivers seat. Fortunately, the end result is not as bad as this pic looks, and there is no structural damage to the house. The guy's front axle came to rest on the concrete foundation that holds up the side steps....which left the bumper inches from my kitchen wall. Which left me inches from a Geico-funded major kitchen renovation.