Mainstay on the Wagon

Just got word from the Mainstay that he quit drinking this week....Again. Don't be a quitter Mainstay. Quitters never win.

I spent the weekend in Charleston, SC doing some super secret training. Like any self-respecting amateur would do the week before the race season kicks off, I located a couple group rides to throw down on. The first one had four people, including myself. The second one, three...then two. Lots of Primal Wear. A whole lot. As much as you could fit on 3 guys, not including myself. Maybe they actually would've talked to me if I was kicking some Incredible Hulk or AC/DC gear. But I wasn't, and they didn't...

Mainstay opted for another shot at Farmer Road on the Tucker 500. After last weekend's trip south of the border, I thought he might actually pull it off...so I dropped him a text to see how things went. Verbatim via text from the Mainstay "No. We all cracked. It was much faster than 2 weeks ago. We were an embarassment. You may want to take our stuff back." Fantastic.

This is gonna be a great year.

Amateurity...not to be confused with Immaturity.

Clearly I've been stricken with both, and it showed this weekend at the 2008 Pacesetter Steel Service Cycling Team camp. Training camp? Maybe. Drinking camp? Yes, please and thank you. This report will have to be delivered in chapters...primarily because the details are slowly coming back to me. Very slowly. I've got a sprained liver and some battered legs. To protect the innocent, some (read: all) of the fine print will never grace these pages. And quite honestly, when I think back on the weekend and the performance of the team, I'm proud, disgusted, afraid, nervous, and a little giddy all at the same time. Most of my disgust is for The Mainstay, who missed the whole thing for a weekend of Mexican motorpacing. For that, you're fired...at least until you win a sprint at the Tucker 500.

I'm proud of the fact that this group of amateurs was able to lay it down for 6 hrs and 120 miles in tornado-like conditions...after a night of hard drinking. I'm also proud of the fact that this same group of amateurs followed up said ride with another 10 hours of heavy drinking. And followed that up with another wind-whipped ride on Sunday morning. Find me a Pro that can pull that off. You won't. Because when it comes to drinking AND riding, a Pro is an Amateur. And to borrow one from The Imposter; the man who so often steals from me- Pros of the world, I present you with this:

You know training camp is a success when you have riders hitching rides back to the hotel at 3 a.m. with the Papa John's pizza guy. Corky- how do you get lost (on foot) in a town that you lived in for 7 years? Seriously. It's less than a square quarter-mile in its entirity. You've seen every inch of it. I'm very proud of you.

And I guess we picked up a new teammate along the way. Apparently Captain Skymall is now scouting talent for Pacesetter Steel Service. Maybe Locos isn't hiring. Skymall even graced us with his presence for Sunday's ride. Just like old times. Now back to our new teammate. Imposter, what is going on here? First it's the roomate, now it's Big Jon. We need to get you a W, son! With every passing week, this pattern is becoming increasingly clear. It's becoming more and more apparent that the ladies aren't flocking to the hardest worker. The good news is as follows: The Imposter will be bringing home the bacon (and the ladies) this weekend in the year's first Tundra TT. Know this. It's for real this time, and I'm posting another poll just to make sure everyone's in agreement here.

Mexican motorpacing

Mainstay goes all Rasmussen on us. He's been notified that team camp (aka big group ride) will be the weekend of February 9-10, and what does he do? He plans a trip to San Diego (where the real pros actually go for camp). Or at least that's where he says he is going. Take a look at the map. It's no coincidence that the border lies a meager few miles south of town. We all know he will be doing more than a little Mexican motorpacing down in Tijuana. Don't be surprised when the boy comes back actually winning sprints at the Tucker 500....or Airport even. Team management is currently under the impression that he will be missing camp to spend a sunny weekend with his wife in California. I'm not even sure he's really married. Mainstay, I don't even know you anymore.

Training camp (big group ride) on the horizon

This weekend is the Pacesetter Steel Service Cycling Team training camp in Athens, GA. It's most recognizable as an amateur training camp for a couple of reasons. First of all, a Pro training camp consists of 10-14 days somewhere warm; often in California. Amateur training camp- a weekend (not a long weekend) an hour from home. Let's face it, the drinking will rival the riding. We've invited a couple hundred of our closest friends. We plan our camp around a group ride for the love of Pete. A big one. One that this guy will win (nevermind the guarantee of the Trashman). He sure as shit better win. His roommate is making him look silly, and looks to be moving in on his girl. The camera doesn't lie. What's going on over there?! Imposter, it's time to step up the game! I strongly encourage it, because as any self-respecting amateur team director knows, the mantra in these parts is "Win or you're fired". Or at least win or lose your ladyfriend to your roommate. Most importantly, it's a group ride, and group ride results trump anything that can possibly happen this race season. My resume is chock full of 'em. How do you think this amateur has moved up through the ranks?! A solid string of top 5's at the Tuesday night crit, that's how.

Mainstay's double penetration weekend a wild success

That's right...back to back Tucker 500 and Airport ride. I hate the ride, but I have to admit, Tucker went a little better this time than the last. I finished with no broken bones, road rash, concussions, or torn ligaments. No torn clothes, broken glasses, or cracked helmets. No ambulances, fire trucks, or hospital visits. Hell, I was even conscious the whole time. If that's not a good start to the weekend, I don't know what is.

First off, Mainstay took second in the Farmer Road sprint. He says that's a podium...I say he's the first loser. Bridesmaid at best. Being Mr. Consistency that he is, he took third in the uphill sprint at Airport ride on Sunday. Second loser. Flower girl. Guess who won that one? The Amateur. With one gear- a 12. All day. That's how I roll. If I was a pro (let's not kid ourselves) it would've been an 11. But I'm an amateur and a 12 is tough enough for me. No one even noticed that I was riding a triple up front.

Airport was followed up with a 4 hour lunch at Brickstore to get warmed up for the Super Bowl celebration at the Casa de Mainstay. Thanks for the hospitality, Mainstay. Thanks also for the way I feel today.

A few quick stats for the weekend:

Number of gears I had on Saturday: 20
Number of gears I had on Sunday: 2
Number of sprints won on Saturday: 0
Number of sprints won on Sunday: 1
Number of shifters that are broken on my bike: 1
Number of shifters I'm about to have to buy: 2
Average wattage: still no power meter, but the way my knees feel today, maybe kinda high?
Average speed: fastish. My computer is still wireless, and not in a good way.
Average HR: high. When I could focus to look at my monitor, I saw some pretty big numbers.

Special shoutouts to the Shrinking Man, Trashman, and Calvin who attended some or all of the Mainstay's Double Penetration Extravaganza. Also, please note that Trashman will win the Toccoa WBL. He told me that yesterday.

They're gonna give daddy the Rainman suite...

Well, they did. Not because I'm a high roller. But because I'm an amateur. THE Amateur. Daddy's in the Rainman suite at The Palms right now. This place is bigger than my house. It's got two bathrooms. And unlike my house, it even has heat.

Vegas kills me. I'm getting slower by the second. It's late January....and my training this week consists of drinking like the Mainstay on New Years Eve. Or his 30th birthday for that matter. Kindof. I still don't have a vibrating cock ring.

I would go ahead and apply for my Cat 3 downgrade, but I'm seriously afraid of CLeask. He's 35 lbs light right now... and in the span of 4 days (and in 2 separate episodes), he's completely twisted a ti derailleur hanger and broken a chain...that tells me the boy's got a little something under the hood, and I think we're going to see it this year. Believe it.

A Champion is Born!

Congrats T!

Seven Rhys Grahovec is born at 1830 on 1/30/08! 8 pounds, 20 inches. Ten fingers and ten toes...gotta wonder if T is really the father. Mama Jen is doing well also.

Odds of the first word being an F-Bomb? Count on it.